Step 1- Choose a simple recipe for Chicken Biriyani from internet. Make sure that it doesn't involve any complex gastronomic techniques that would put the dish at increased risk of transformation to a rice-chicken soup or worse, some dish that still hasn't found a place in the culinary encyclopedia.
Step 2- Start preparing the Biriyani strictly following the recipe, ensuring that you don't add your own twists and brutally murder it.
Step 3- When the dish is ready, open the lid, enjoy the spicy aroma for a moment. Without wasting any time, get ready for the most crucial step that needs immense attention,dexterity and tons of practice for perfection.
Step 4 -Transfer a tiny piece of chicken with the some rice to the palm of your left hand. Before it scorches your skin stick it to your wide open mouth that would start to drool any moment. Allow the chicken to cuddle in the welcoming splash of saliva and give some time for your taste buds to announce the final verdict.
They tell you "Hmm, Something is missing!" and your brain tells you that something ought to be pepper!
Step 5- Take the pepper tin from the cupboard and sprinkle the fine powder carefully on top of the dish ensuring that it is evenly distributed.
Now, what your brain forgot to tell you was that you didn't close the lid properly the previous day after making egg omelette. So a heap of pepper along with the lid of the tin lands inside the steaming dish.
Step 6- Disaster management- Quick action needed! Your dish is dying from an overdose of Peppsacain, the active heat generating component in pepper.
6a) Stat Cleansing for immediate resuscitation-To prevent further absorption of the toxin,you carefully use the ladle to scoop out a thin outer layer of heavily pepper coated chicken and rice.
6b) Treatment with antidote- Applying the principles of gastronomy, the appropriate neutralizing agent for pepper toxicity would be curd,of course! So, you take the bowl of curd that you had kept aside to prepare the raita and pour it into the Biriyani. The biriyani transforms in front of your eyes into something that looks like a hybrid of Upma and thairu Sadam mixed with chicken pieces,. You feel that you could easily scoop the entire dish into one giant ball before serving. Your mind screams "Ayyo!Kulamaayi!"
Step 7- Post Resuscitation Care-Repeat step 4, but with less enthusiasm. The spicy heat of pepper mixed with the sour taste of curd brush your taste buds and descend down your food tube. You think of other techniques that could possibly rescue the dish from it pathetic state. But your brain is blank. You heave a sigh of disappointment.
Step 8- Put the dish to rest and let the strange flavors envelop the rice and chicken. Serve with a side dish of plain water.
